When I unveiled this insight, unexpected things happened. I understand that the recent eclipse brought up many deep things for people and had a momentous impact so if that was your experience know that it is part of what has been in the energy of late. For me, a relationship that I thought was really solid started unravelling and my attempts to minister to it were inept I now realise. I thought I was being open hearted and creating a loving space. I managed it for four days until I was triggered and then I went into shut down. It was hugely painful and one of the most challenging pieces was being with that and feeling unable to share my feelings because I felt as if I was being watched, scrutinised and judged.
Healing has come in unexpected ways. Here’s the first part of the learning if you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got. Last Wednesday I did a biodanza class for the first time. I have been meaning to give it a go for ages but it meant taking a whole day off to attend because I wanted to incorporate lunch with a client who’s becoming a friend. It was an incredible experience. The whole focus of the class was on connection so what synchronicity. What struck me most was that friendship is like a dance, it starts almost by inviting another into our world and sharing some of our special things with them and admiring some of their insights and wisdom. This is the forming stage of the relationship which is beautiful and is about invitation. Some time down the line there will be an element of conflict otherwise known as storming and if the relationship manages to weather the storm you come through that to norming and performing. Together you weave some of your story before it is time to go your separate ways.
There was something very subtle about the whole experience. It was also very moving and intimate. When you look deep into someone else’s eyes you catch a glimpse of their soul. This can be incredibly scary and often quite emotional. For me there were moments during the experience when I wanted to run for the hills and yet I stayed and got in touch with the rawness and the depth of the feeling. As a spiritual being I have recognised that the path to wholeness comes through allowing my body to feel and process my emotions. This can only happen when you give yourself space to do this and when you feel safe.
You will feel safe when you feel loved rather than judged. You will need space and grace to love unconditionally and to bring all of who you are into a relationship rather than feeling only certain ways of being are allowed in that space. Silence is a valuable component and gentleness is balm for the soul. For me the deer represents many of these qualities. In a difficult situation, it is vital that you speak from your heart with love and kindness as that gives you the most opportunity that your message will be heard. And perhaps the most valuable tools of all are the use of clean language and questions. The former because it is then less likely that you will trigger the other person and questions like What do you need right now? This last element is vital as without it, as I learnt to my cost, you are more likely to be making assumptions about the other person’s state and it will be harder for them to feel safe in your presence. Conflict is an opportunity for you to step into your power by being clear about your boundaries whilst being compassionate and communicating mindfully.
As I discovered yesterday when tasting some constellation work, a theme that underpins all this is belonging. I have often felt torn in this regard as I pride myself on being my own person and so celebrate my otherness, my maverick nature. And yet the cost of that are constant reminders that I don’t belong when I really want to feel a deep level of connection. If you look you too may hold this tension. A question to ask yourself is how much do you compromise your own values in order to feel a sense of belonging in a system? That system could be your family, your friends, work or any community to which you belong like the Mums in the playground. The profound insight received from this work was that everything in our lives serves belonging. You may wish to contemplate that yourself and see how true it is for you.
Finding connection, belonging even, with others through friendship is a beautiful gift and is one of the things that gives meaning to life. However it can be fragile and become all encompassing at times. So as the packages say handle it with care. Lastly remember that you are part of a myriad of systems that started with your family and so it is important to heal those that are not functioning in an optimal way. Most of our issues start with how we experienced our place in the family and disconnecting may feel easier but in fact it consumes much more energy. So whether you choose colour therapy, constellation work or another form of healing, invest in yourself. The path to wholeness can be tough and yet it is also rewarding as it enables you to experience much more lightness of being.
Following some time with the lovely Anya Pearse I have changed the way that I write my blogs. I would love to have some feedback on that…does this new style work better for you or not?