In this article Kate Griffiths explores why the flow state seems elusive to so many leaders and business owners by unpacking three myths many hold about connection. She then goes on to share more about the new ways of doing business through sharing her approach to it all.
Connection is the cornerstone of every thriving new paradigm business. You would think that as more people talk about this stuff, it becomes clearer and more people are getting it. That is not my experience in part because there are some myths about what this is; and largely because so few people have a sense of their self-worth or have really experienced unconditional love. Let me explore this further.
Myth 1: the belief that I have to be on 24/7
There are those that believe firmly that connection is about responding in a unique way to every comment that they receive on any post that they put up in the digital world. They spend hours cultivating relationships with people that they consider to be established with a huge following in the hope that some of their success will rub off on them – they tell themselves they have lots to learn from these guys and that ingratiating themselves with these folk is a small price to pay for rewards like visibility.
This is really giving away bits of your soul one piece at a time; it is not connection. It leads to fatigue on so many levels and it is not a game I will play. I want to engage on posts that resonate with me at some level or where I feel I can add something of substance. If you play the numbers game of quantity over quality the only one who suffers is you ultimately. Remember it is quality not quantity that will get you noticed.
Myth 2: connection for an ulterior motive
A few times this year I have really connected with someone through sharing similar ideas on a theme and they have felt the connection and invited me to be friends. I have not hesitated as in each case I thought I had found someone with whom I could amplify shared ideas. The promised conversation/Skype chat/ hangout (delete as appropriate) never happens and instead they start trying to sell their services to me directly or by sending me endless invitations to their webinars. At that point I feel as if I am being spammed and it is hard to maintain the initial bloom of connection: it often withers and dies.
Conversely others cannot understand why you might reach out to connect just for the sake of it. They are waiting to be spammed or at the very least feel that there must be a reason for your support, an expectation that they will purchase one or more of your services. They feel a tad anxious and find it hard to see the opportunity for what it is and grab it with both hands.
What is happening here is that people are unable to trust the process and just enjoy the connection or build on the initial connection. At some level they are still being driven by fear: fear that if they don’t use this opportunity to sell they will lose it. Fear can also translate into an inability to trust in the goodness of another human being perhaps because they have little experience of that.
Myth 3: politeness is essential in any exchange
I have found especially in corporates that there is a tendency towards politeness whatever the nature of the engagement. It kills any meaningful exchange because it becomes clear very quickly that it is just another mask that the real person hides behind.
There is confusion between politeness and respect. Every interaction requires mutual respect to be meaningful and that can be held much more lightly than politeness. Put it this way how much are you respecting someone when bound by the rigours of etiquette you feel unable to give them the direct, honest feedback they need to progress for fear of hurting their feelings?
When you boil it all down, you could substitute connection for unconditional love…no wonder it is so tricky. How many people have ever experienced that?
I feel very lucky to include myself in that category because I have two gorgeous daughters who in their own way share with me and tell me that they love me and a husband who appreciates me on a regular basis: this makes me rich indeed.
But it doesn’t stop there. When I was wading through porridge and my business was a relatively new concept, I had a mentor who believed in me. She could see what I was becoming and gave me regular FREE mentoring. The nurturing I received was my business lifeline and kept me going through some dark times. I learnt so much from her unconditional giving – it gave me a model for how I wanted to conduct business with others. So now I talk about loving people and their businesses into being. The irony is that the more I give without attachment, the more I receive. Imagine a world where everybody felt that someone was supporting their back – how great would that be?
It’s about being in it for the long game. 18 months after I had reconnected with my mentor, I made my biggest investment ever as a business owner. I chose to make that investment with her, the person who had placed their belief in me. This is how to create sustainable business. Hanging out together, we ended up creating a programme together which is about to morph into something bigger and better this autumn, something I have desired for a long time and if you had told me this was going to happen even a year ago, I wouldn’t have believed you…..It is one of the main reasons I always have an initial conversation with potential coaching clients to check that there is a good fit and that I can really support them actualise their dreams; and also because I only want to work with conscious business owners. In other words the vetting process works both ways.
To wrap up, what I am saying is that if love and integrity are the intention behind your actions, you will create a business that is sustainable. Implicit in all of this is the fact that this only becomes possible as you expand your self-awareness. This is a prerequisite for success in the new paradigm. The great thing is that if you are still flailing in the embryonic stages of your business, it doesn’t have to be that way. Connect to source and your self and then others and you will start to experience flow. In practical terms, if you are local I have just set up a monthly meet up, which is free. You can book into the July Link4Coffee in Hitchin here – four people rebooked for the next one as soon as the last one finished that’s how good it is. If you are ready to experience deep connection and allow your soul to reveal itself then consider getting in touch to join us for the next Sacred Space for the Soul gathering on Friday 27 June where the theme is connection.