Judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment
Recently I was invited to gathering where I knew no one. I did a lot of observing and noticing. I couldn’t help be aware of a very colourful character that dominated a lot of the flow of the conversation. It was fascinating and a little overwhelming at the same time.
I had to remind myself that so much is new right now because we as a family have moved to a new area. This is exciting because it represents a fresh start and it’s challenging because the number of unknowns are greater.
Later on when I was sharing a story about that meeting with my buddy, she reminded me of the perils of judgment and how prevalent it is in society. Our exchange reminded me of two things.
Two ideas to give more insight
Joseph Campbell, that famous American philosopher from the twentieth century who made Carl Jung’s work more accessible to so many, who said follow your bliss… and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.
Judgment can stop you following your bliss. You can become so wrapped up in a particular version of events or a family dynamic that’s playing out for the zillionth time that you forget to be present in the moment and enjoy what’s right in front of you.
The second thing I remembered was the Harvest bottle (as pictured) which promises abundance. I love it because it represents Autumn, the season we are heading into right now. And there is another deeper message you reap what you sow. Another way of expressing that is whether you are aware of it or not you are giving out energy; and energy has a way of coming back to you. So if you feel angry or frustrated about something guess what’s going to show up in your external reflection?
At times when you don’t feel sure of your place there can be a tendency to judge the situation or people you meet. In a bid to rid yourself of uncertainty, you can make a pronouncement about someone or something. It may not come in that moment but later as you reflect on it or share an anecdote with another.
What’s wrong with that, everyone judges
My mother always reminds me of that fact often and you may feel well if everyone else is doing it what’s the harm. The human condition is such that we say something is good or bad rather than accepting it is what it is. We want to make meaning from what is happening. Yet when you make bold statements, you are confining what has happened within the limitations of your own mind. This limits your freedom and is why there is a negative connotation to judgment.
Why not imagine a hundred other possible outcomes? Dream up other scenarios or possibilities. Most of us use less than 10% of our potential. Did you know that the human brain has 86 billion neurons which send and receive signals from your brain? That’s hard to compute, right?
What practical steps can you take?
The first step is to spend some time noticing what judgments you are making. Perhaps even write them down and start looking at where they are coming from. What is the unmet emotional need behind the judgment?
Habits can be hard wired so repetition is important. I like to remind myself of the first spiritual principle within the Colour Mirror’s system, one that I teach when I am training people to be Colour Practitioners and that is judge nothing, respect everything.
Third because all good things come in threes, every time you feel a judgment coming on see if you can bring in compassion instead. Ask yourself what might be happening in that person’s life? Why might there be showing up in that particular way? What are you learning about yourself from what you are seeing?
And remember through all of this to have some compassion for yourself. When I reflected on the incident I mentioned I was reminded of my younger self who always wanted to be the life and soul of the party. And with that understanding, the compassion flowed.
Changing habits takes dedicated effort which is often why people choose to work with a coach. Just like with physical fitness, mental fitness comes as you do a regular workout. And colour helps you to integrate those insights